"Mom, He Is Looking at Me With His Eyes!"
How do you prevent sibling rivalry? Don't have siblings in your household? If it is too late to try out that only child thing, it might be time to start working on dealing with and accepting sibling rivalry. Yes, that's right: accepting it.
It is not anyone's fault; it is just what they do
Sibling rivalry is something that happens, even in the most perfect of families, even with the most idyllic of homes. (You remember Cain and Abel?) It is natural that Child A will feel usurped from his position as the baby. It is natural that Child B feels like the second string, reserve team. Wait and see what happens when other letters are thrown into the mix later in the game. Accept that sibling rivalry is going to happen. Accept that you cannot stop it or that you did not make it happen. And, accept that no matter how carefully you try, any intervention will look like you are taking the side of one or the other of these battling brothers or snipping sisters.
You cannot fix it all of the time
Your eighteen-year-old son can drive to his job and then to college classes without anyone with him, but your sixteen-year-old is still working on his permit and has to have you sitting beside him. This is not something that you decided, not a rule that you made. And while any reasonable person would understand it, there is no such thing as a reasonable sixteen-year-old. You walk in one day and find the two head-locked in the living room, the signs of their obvious scuffle all over the room. There is not a lot that you can do at this point other than pointing out the fact that fighting is never the answer and that you are disappointed in the behavior. Two-year-olds will fight over the same toy, even if neither wanted it before the other grabbed it. Twelve-year-old girls will be angry that they cannot wear big sister's makeup or high heeled shoes. It is part of their childhood and how they learn to deal with one another now can set up their relationship for life.
Disputes are fine, physical fights are not
Will the little angels go their whole lives without fighting? You are lucky if they can make it through an entire meal most of the time. Set the boundaries early, reinforce them early and then let them work these things out for themselves. The rules are simple: no name calling and no physical fighting.
Yes, you love them all equally but not the same
Okay, big mom secret spilling out: Equal is not the same as identical. You might love the funny way that one child grins, or the way that your son looks just like his daddy. You are liable to share something with one child that the others do not care about. Just because you and your youngest can sit under a tree and read does not mean that you like her better, just that you share a common interest with her.
Uncommon interests but common time
Just because you do not share the same interests does not mean that you should not spend time with your other children. Make an effort to connect with them, especially when they reach the ages that makes them feel like they are locked away from you the most. Let them know that you care about what they are interested in and that you care about them.
Remind them what family means
Look at your relationship with your own siblings to get a clue of why they are behaving like rabid wolves. If you have not talked to your sister because you are still holding a grudge for the doll she ruined when you were young, or rarely call your brother at all, it is time to mend fences so you can set a good example. After all, you get to pick your spouse and your friends, your family are the treasures you are given whether you wanted them or not.